On being me

For this I’m not going to explicitly say there is a purpose or a goal. I’m not looking to teach anyone anything. I’m looking to ask my self-questions here and am opening it up to others in the hope of…Who Knows?

Often I look out at the sky and I wonder who or what I am going to become. Immediately, a vision pops into my head of me becoming a pro triathlete. I taste the joy and the accomplishment. It’s the thing that would provide absolute nirvana. At least for a little… It’s the last thing I think about when I go to bed and the thought is right there the second I wake up.  However I have to ask myself do I have what it takes? Are my dreams a delusion or can I reach out and grasp them? Even more importantly, why do I suppose lose track of the goal, why do I make mistakes?

I am driven every day to prove myself to myself and to reach the pinnacle of self-actualization. However, there are many setbacks and how do I deal with these. I wish I could be perfect but is this even a real thing?

Over the past week, a little hip injury came up and I was forced to take a week off from running. Through this pain was where I really came to learn about myself and how I relate to triathlon. I was torn from not being able to run and felt as though I was losing progress. But even more importantly I remembered why I love it, for the pure simplicity running provides. More questions bombarded me, do I have the genetics to become what I want? What are other’s doing and how can I ever become as good as them.

Additionally, I often succumb to major chow downs of food. I know that I should eat healthier but sometimes the urge to do something stupid is enough of a reason in its self. Besides after all it always gives me more of a reason to go and work hard afterward. But why? Why can’t I just always keep the goal in mind?

I don’t always feel motivated. I don’t always love the sport, hell sometimes I hate it. I still get the work done though. Today all I wanted to do was sleep and be lazy. Instead I did two runs, a swim, strength training, and core work.

At the end of the day what matters is that I always look to improve. But accomplishment at the sake of all enjoyment is not living. Sometimes we have to knock ourselves down only to have the joy of being able to stand back up again. Also, I have many doubts about my dream but that doesn’t stop me from believing. That’s why it's called believing and not knowing. Don’t let these doubts stop you. Let the dreams loose.

What is the journey to perfection? How do I get there? How do I know when I am there (if ever)?